I hate being pregnant. For many reasons. Today, though, probably takes the cake.
**Warning: Lots of vagina talk ahead!!**
Shaving becomes a massive pain in the ass when you're pregnant. I'm not talking about your armpits. That's easy. Everything south of your belly button is the problem. You can't see, you can't bend, and lets face it, you don't have motivation to be in the shower longer than 5 minutes.
That's why your vagina ends up looking like a Peruvian jungle. Maybe it's just me. If so, I don't care. I have no shame. I don't think it is though. I think lots of pregnant people out there pretend to keep up with the hoo-hoo grooming just to save face. No one wants to be THAT guy.
I don't care. I'll be that guy. As I recently described to a friend of mine, shaving in the no-no zone while in your 3rd trimester requires the use of a fog free mirror and the National Guard. You can't see a damn thing. And your blindly scraping a sharp ass instrument over the most sensitive part of your body. No thanks. Isn't it bad enough that a flippin' human being is going to come out of there soon enough? You'd think, that since we have to be pregnant and all, God would stop the hair growth for us. But no. We get to pay for a crime that happened at the beginning of time. I DIDN'T EAT THE DAMN APPLE!!!! And technically, if Jesus died for our sins, then wouldn't that erase Eve's sins, therefore letting us off the hook? I've always wondered about that. Anyway, that's a topic for another day. Hairy vaginas are the topic of today.
So today, I realized that things were getting uncomfortably out of control down south. Both my legs and my hoo-hoo were ridiculously hairy. Something had to be done. After trimming down the excess (I told you it was bad. I didn't want to clog the tub drain. Explain that hairball to a plumber.) I hopped in the shower and hoped for the best. I have no idea what the end result is. I can't see it. And I didn't want to examine it in the mirror. I would imagine it isn't pretty. But it's much more comfortable, so I must have done something somewhat right.
I don't plan on doing this again until I'm coming up on my due date. It's incredibly stressful, and requires a lot of creative bending that they don't teach you in yoga. But I'll do it right before my due date. I don't care about pooping on the table, but I definately don't want nurses and doctors judging my vagina. That's embarrassing.
